Heil to the Chief

Guess what time it is, boys and girls.

Did you guess it? I’m pretty sure you did.

That’s right, it’s time for the Big Switcheroo! It’s Morning in America Again time! It’s Hope and Change time! It’s Putting People First time! It’s Make America Great Again time!

Yes, it’s time to change the set of the American simulation of democracy, as they do every eight, or sometimes four, years. The bad guys are out. The good guys are in. Or the other way around. It doesn’t really matter. Juice up your smartphones, switch off your brains, put on your MAGA hats or pink pussyhats. The extravaganza is about to begin!

This is probably going to be a good one. The Ayatollah of Orange Shinola is reprising his role as Literal Hitler, or Russian-Agent Hitler, or Il Duce del Mondo, or some sort of Big Mac-gobbling prophet who has been sent by Jesus to save America.

I’m not joking. He actually went on television and announced this to the world …

That’s right, Donald Trump is on a mission from God to cleanse America of Mexican rapists, cat-barbecuing Haitians, and other non-Americans who bear hostile attitudes toward its culture and government, or who inappropriately criticize Israel, or engage in other acts of terrorist speech. And those trannies … they’re out! No more trannies! And the pronoun-using commie professors and their purple-haired students. They’re next on the list! And the globalists … they’re done! No more globalism! The globalism thing is definitely over. All those off-shored jobs are coming back! No more Mexican and Chinese sweatshops! From now on, all our cars, cheap clothes, and smartphones will be made in America!

Fighting at his side in his holy crusade against the forces of globalism, and wokeness, and perversion, and hostile anti-Zionist attitudes, is Elon Musk, the global-capitalist, military-industrial-complex-embedded, transhumanist, social-media mogul, who has also presumably been personally chosen by God to usher in the new “golden age.”

Musk, who already saved free speech by assembling a consortium of global-capitalist investors and purchasing and rebranding Twitter — which, at this point, resembles a combination of Fox News, National Enquirer, and Der Stürmer — has been hopping up and down and hooting and hollering about something he refers to as “the hammer of justice,” and performing textbook Nazi salutes on television, and otherwise assisting God’s personally chosen president in his quest to save the world from the woke mind virus, and libtardism, and “assure the future of civilization,” or something.

OK, I know what you’re thinking, but no, Elon Musk is not a neo-Nazi. Elon Musk is an autistic person, and it’s common knowledge that autistic persons are prone to fits of involuntary Sieg heiling. Here in Germany, for example, you see them everywhere, autistic people slapping their fists against their chests and then thrusting their arms up and out into textbook Nazi salutes. It’s like one big autistic Nuremberg rally. The poor things just can’t stop themselves from doing it.

Oh and speaking of Germany and political rallies, Elon’s next stop was a campaign rally for the AfD, the Alternative für Deutschland party, where he announced to the crowd that “we need to move on” and forget about all that “past guilt” stuff, which, OK, is a boilerplate neo-Nazi talking point, which neo-Nazis in Germany repeat ad nauseam … but, what can you do? The man is autistic!

Look, I don’t want to sound ungrateful or like one of those cynical “black-pill” types. After all, Donald Trump just outlawed censorship. He did it with a stroke of his pen! That whole “Censorship Industrial Complex” thing is history! It was all just a bunch of libtard commies in the Biden administration, and now they’re all gone. The global corporations that control everything you see on the Internet are free at last! No more big bad government bullies forcing them to censor everyone, and visibility-filter, and demonetize everyone, which, of course, they would never do on their own!

But, seriously now, this “Make America Great Again” show is nothing like the “Hope and Change” show that the libtards put on after the shock-and-awe phase of the War on Terror. You remember the “Hope and Change” show, don’t you? Remember when Obama, the Nobel Peace Prize winner, ended the war, drained the swamp of all those torture-happy war-criminal guys (i.e., Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, et al.), and then got to work relentlessly bombing seven different countries in the Middle East and illegally surveilling everyone?

You remember that, right? Of course you do.

Well, this is nothing at all like that. What’s happening now is totally different. “Hope and Change” was just a marketing campaign. Not like “Make America Great Again!” Which is real. Remember, Obama was a Democrat, and the Democrats are a bunch of liars! Not like the Republicans, or Donald Trump, or Elon Musk, who would never lie or shamelessly pander to the American people, or some bigoted market demographic thereof, or treat them like rubes who will fall for the same con job, over and over, and over again. And the Democrats are communists, right? And Hitler was a communist too! And, according to algorithmically-amplified reliable sources on Free-Speech X, Obama’s wife is a transgender woman, who is also a pedophile! Plus, they’re niggers!

Relax. It’s OK to say the word “nigger.” That’s what freedom of speech is about, after all. Criticizing Israel, or Elon Musk, or otherwise expressing “attitudes hostile to the culture and government” of America Made Great Again will get you visibility-filtered into the void on X (or, if you’re a non-US citizen, visited and screened by the MAGA Thought Police), but at least you’re now free to use ugly racial epithets to your heart’s content! Oh, and don’t forget to “express your feelings” to your fellow party members with a Nazi salute, and otherwise celebrate the Golden Age of Freedom!

And, if some libtard has a problem with that, and calls you a “bigot,” or a “neo-Nazi” … well, just tell them you’re probably autistic.

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